In the Name of the King: A Bowel Purge Tale

"In the Name of the King: a Dungeon Siege Story" doesn't merit a full viewing let alone a review, but for the sake of innocent unsuspecting men, women and children everywhere I chose to abide the suffrage of watching each and every excruciatingly tedious moment of this repugnant cumulus of banal ribaldry. (in other words it sucked the big one and I wanted to walk out of the theater if it weren't for my duties as a reviewer and fellow human being to warn others) The story, what little there actually was, turned out to be nothing more than a shameless imitation of the "Lord of the Rings" series. The direction was lousy, the actors miscast , the score out of place, the story substandard, and the effects little better than B-grade amateur student film quality. Burt Reynolds in a wannabe Fantasy Epic, along with Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Kristanna Loken, Claire Forlani and Matthew Lillard? Bro, puff, puff pass, don't bogart all of the crack. This movie was D.O.A. before the script hit the producers hand, but unfortunately that didn't daunt powerhouse director/producer Uwe Boll and his cohorts from making his "masterpiece." I have seen more compelling heartfelt drama in a Billy Mays' infomercial. I saw this film because I had to, but you still have time to turn away. Learn from my mistake, please I can't bear the thought of any more needless suffering at the hands of lousy, talentless, life draining, hacks such as the parties involved in bringing this beast to life.

Cloverfield

"Cloverfield" is a lot like "Godzilla" meets the "Blair Witch Project" but with good writing, directing, effects and acting. The pace starts off a bit sluggish as we watch a going away party unfold for one of the central players and the ensemble of characters are slowly developed prior to the onslaught of mayhem, suspense and action. What made this film such a treat outside of the wonderful effects, was director Matt Reeve's brave choice to shoot the entire film "hand held" which lends a riveting feel of realism as the story unfolds from the first person perspective. The viewing audience is never given behind the scene information about happenings elsewhere in the city, the nature of the creature, or if the rest if the world is also under siege. We are right there with the characters as the events unfold live in front of us in our little microcosm of Manhattan proper. I did find myself wanting at times for this film to be a little more formula so that I could have learned more about the creature, seen it a little more and had some closure at the end. However staying true to the unique style of this film, that was not possible. This is definitely one of the better Sci-Fi thrillers I have scene in quite a while. This is not simple action by numbers, you the audience member will actually have to use your imagination from time to time, something directors have not let us do for many years. Give it a chance and enjoy it for what it is and you won't be disappointed.

The Man From Earth, Not Only Jerome Bixby's Last Work But Perhaps His Greatest as Well

Being an Uberfan of Sci-Fi, it is always refreshing to take a break from the mainstream drudgery of big budget, mindless, poorly written, special effects laden, hour and half product placement driven action fest. "The Man From Earth" is a story written in a style regrettably from an era long since past. The movie in essence is nothing more than a play shot on film, where in the characters interaction is immediate and more intense. Bixby, who also wrote for "the Twilight Zone" and "Star Trek" delivered a wonderful screenplay and story in which the subjects of immortality, religion and ultimately death could all be discussed in not only the traditional faith based emotional sense, but also through objective scientific hypothesis.
The story starts out with a group of college professors reluctantly throwing a rushed going away party for one of their long time friends and colleges, John Oldman. They are as upset over the speed of his departure as they are with him giving no reason for why he wants to leave so hurriedly at this point in his public career and private life. None the less they descend on his modest cabin to give him an impromptu going away party as he packs to leave. After some kind prodding and genuine concern, eventually Oldman takes a chance and decides to tell them a unique secret he has never revealed before, that he is in fact actually a 14,000 year old Cromagnon caveman that is basically immortal. Incredulous and offended, his fellow doctors and professors "play" along as he slowly reveals bits and pieces of his many centuries walking the planet. What makes this story so compelling is the spectacular in depth writing that addresses so many potential plot holes that so wantonly peek between the lines of such a complex medium. I was riveted from the beginning all the way to the surprise twist at the end. Sadly this was Bixby's last work to be made since his death in 1998. Modern day screen writers would do well to follow Bixby's work and gives us all a much needed break from the dull, boring crap that the studios keep forcing on us. This movie will keep you thinking long after it has ended. I will definitely be adding this wonderful film to my collection.

Helen predictably hated it. He said it was boring and dumb. All they did was stay in one room and talk, no action, no budget, no cool hard rock soundtrack. He was so pissed I made him sit through this that he hasn't spoken to me in a few days now. I'm sure I can get him to come around though by playing "Total Recall" or "Flesh Gorden" for him.