In the Name of the King: A Bowel Purge Tale

"In the Name of the King: a Dungeon Siege Story" doesn't merit a full viewing let alone a review, but for the sake of innocent unsuspecting men, women and children everywhere I chose to abide the suffrage of watching each and every excruciatingly tedious moment of this repugnant cumulus of banal ribaldry. (in other words it sucked the big one and I wanted to walk out of the theater if it weren't for my duties as a reviewer and fellow human being to warn others) The story, what little there actually was, turned out to be nothing more than a shameless imitation of the "Lord of the Rings" series. The direction was lousy, the actors miscast , the score out of place, the story substandard, and the effects little better than B-grade amateur student film quality. Burt Reynolds in a wannabe Fantasy Epic, along with Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Kristanna Loken, Claire Forlani and Matthew Lillard? Bro, puff, puff pass, don't bogart all of the crack. This movie was D.O.A. before the script hit the producers hand, but unfortunately that didn't daunt powerhouse director/producer Uwe Boll and his cohorts from making his "masterpiece." I have seen more compelling heartfelt drama in a Billy Mays' infomercial. I saw this film because I had to, but you still have time to turn away. Learn from my mistake, please I can't bear the thought of any more needless suffering at the hands of lousy, talentless, life draining, hacks such as the parties involved in bringing this beast to life.