HellBoy II The Golden Army

Once again Guillermo del Toro adeptly brings the cult comic Hero to life in his latest installment of the HellBoy Series. The familiar cast returns including Ron Pearlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, Jeffrey Tambor and a cameo by John Hurt as well as the voice talent of Seth Macfarlane. Though the film is wonderful to watch with it's grand setscapes, effects and story, it does drag on a bit as do most sequels. Having said that, I still highly encourage watching this film in the theater while you still can, if nothing more than to take in all of the breathtakingly intricate vistas Guillermo portrays in the hidden realms of the mystical world around us. It is hard to conceive, even with the prodigious use of CG, the great lengths and expenditures, Del Toro went through to give life to even the most insignificant parts of his tail, details other such directors would just gloss over or leave out all together. All told HellBoy II isn't as compelling as the original, but in it's own right it doesn't have to be, after all it is a different story altogether.Golden Army does however surpass the first in effects, cinematography and action. If you liked the first movie, this one is a must see.

Rambo: Kill 'em all let my agent sort it out.

What's not to like about Stallone's latest mindless action flick. Unlike Rambo II and III that got bogged down with a useless plot, Rambo (Rambo 4) delves right in to the action , the blood, guts, entrails, explosions, tiny unrecognizable body parts and torture. This time, semi-retired Rambo (maybe he should go to Florida like the rest of the AARP crowd), finds himself reluctantly caught up in a rescue mission of some bubble headed do gooder peacenik Christians that want to bring medical supplies and bibles to the villagers being slaughtered upriver in Burma/Myanmar. The local warlords of course capture the brain washed Kool-aid crowd shortly after being dropped off by Rambo, thus beginning the systematic torture and execution part of their trip not covered in the Peace Corp brochure.(personally I just slam the door in their face, I never found the need to torture them) So the Pastor of their sponsor church actually makes the trip to the outskirts of Burma, hiring some Mercs along the way. The last thing on his list is the boat man who knows the exact insertion point of the lollipop guild up river. Rambo eventually agrees to ferry the special forces wannabes up river to the drop off site. (good thing to or the movie would be pretty much over) From here the fighting starts with Rambo showcasing his master prowess with his bow and arrow, not just used for fishing after all. They then enter the camp where the bad guys are holding the dumb guys, release the dumb guys, setting off a small gorilla war. From here on the film starts to pay off if you are in to senseless violence, explosions and body parts blasted across the camera lens. (And who isn't? Think Saving Private Ryan meets Robocop) Definitely worth a rent for the action sequences alone, if not for the conclusion of the Rambo saga.

Knocked Up

Awesome, totally awesome! I passed this movie up at the theaters and on rental constantly fearing it would be an awful college comedy written by amateur film students. I finally caught this film one day on cable and let me say "Knocked Up" turns out to be one of the best comedies I have ever scene. I have never laughed and cringed so much over the ridiculous amount of lewd one liners and comedic situational elements. I can't recommend this movie enough if you have ever dated, are dating, or are married. Writer;Director Judd Apatow ("40 Year Old Virgin,""Fun with Dick and Jane") hits one out of the park with this tale of twenty something under achiever Ben Stone who finds himself a reluctant expecting father after a drunken one night stand. The interplay between Ben and his friends/roommates is priceless. I found it both painful and hilarious to watch as this clueless would be boyfriend and soon to be father stumbled through the pangs of building a relationship with the girl he knocked up, trying to be mature by distancing himself from his dead beat friends and of course pregnant sex.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Page 116 get a grant for alien experimentation and autopsies, page 232 get paid to write a novel about the Lincoln assassination, page 410 get money to transcribe long lost Watergate tapes, page 47 find the Lost City if Gold ... the much heralded sequel to the first Disney "Indiana Jones" knock off, "National Treasure," wastes no time plunging head first in to a showcase devoid of any semblance of acting, coherent plot or one tittle of realism. The film's title has little to do with the actual script as does competent direction, narrative and story. Nick Cage reprises his role as Ben Gates, the super droll book worm turned accidental treasure hunter, who must clear his family name of any participation in the Lincoln Assassination. How does one do this you might ask? Well don't, you really don't want to sit through this horrible crap for 5 minutes let alone the total 2 hour and 4 minute run time. (Good Christ, Ed Harris and John Voight must have really needed the money) Suffice to say Gates finds the book, the Lost City of Gold (who really knows what either has to do with anything or each other) and the movie mercifully ends. Even if you were a fan of the first move, you will be sorely disappointed by this failure. Disney should just stick to direct release to DVD for all of it's pulp money grubbing sequels like it bilks us parents with all of the horrendous parsimonious cartoon flicks. ("Lilo & Stitch 2, Stitch has a Glitch" Screw you Disney, Screw you!)

P.S. I Love You ... that's why I let you drag me to this chic flick. P.S.S. I better get some head afterwards.

Wow, it's a bird, no it's a plane, no it's just another overly pretentious, man hating, femi-Nazi, romantic chic flick! Get out your hankys guys because you will definitely earn your stripes by having to sit through this one while resisting the urge to punch yourself in the balls and chew your own arm off. Half woman half horse, Hillary Swank falls in love with a care free handsome Irishman, but runs into the perilous pitfalls of marriage while trying to balance her career, his desire to have children and finding the perfect shoes to compliment her feedbag. Luckily for our guy, he dies right off from a brain tumor. (man if I had a dollar for every time I faked that one) Fortunately for the distraught filly, he left behind a series of notes to haunt, I mean help her from the grave. Unfortunately for any heterosexual men still alive in the audience there is no reprieve from the constant hen cackling, horse neighing and fluffy girl stuff the entire film through. If you want to rent this one for date night, remember the wine, lots and lots of wine! (earplugs, a blindfold and a healthy dose of chlorpromazine wouldn't hurt either)