Super Hero Movie Doesn't Suck

There are a lot of people who like the forced setups, obvious jokes, double entendres, physical slap stick and third grade "toilet humor" of films like those in the "Scary Movie" series. I reluctantly admit, I am one of those people. I have always liked the ultra stupidity and cheep laughs of films like "Airplane," "Top Secret" and "Naked Gun." They have been a guilty pleasure of mine over the years. "SuperHero movie" doesn't disappoint in this vain. Writer Director Craig Mazin, who brought us Scary Movie 3 and 4, once again returns to the big screen with this, the latest spoof of the many Super Hero movies so unceremoniously cranked out in the past few years. He directs a familiar cast of Leslie Nielson, Christopher McDonald, Brent Spiner, Tracy Morgan and Nicole Sullivan just to name a few. Mazin's parodies of "Spiderman," Tom Cruise, the "X-Men" and the "Fantastic Four" were priceless. Although the comedy was predictable and some of the laughs forced, my whole family and I really enjoyed it from start to finish. In hind sight I am glad we saw this one at one of the last remaining drive-ins around today, because otherwise we would have been kicked out for laughing, talking and just having a marvelously boisterous time together at the movies. I highly recommend this one if you are a fan of the aforementioned type of movies, otherwise you will probably hate it and want your money back.

10,000 B.C. Not Long Enough Ago to Forget This Craptacular Fiascoe

Roland Emmerich's latest big budget "Historical Fiction for Dummies" or "10,000 BC" as it was officially released, is by far his worst collaborative effort to date. The pace of the movie started of really slow for about the first 65 minutes and then as the story started to head in to the more intense action sequences, it really got boring. I've never been a huge fan of CGI though I have more or less accepted it as a mainstay in cinema today. Fortunately the CGI effects, though numerous in this film, were first rate and didn't detract from the movie, Mr. Emmerich's lousy direction coupled with a total lack of plot did that. I have consistently been suckered in by his promises of original stories, big effects, big names and shiny bright objects. I have faithfully followed his work ever since I accidentally saw his second major commercial success, "Stargate."Since then I have diligently sat through all of his almost hit movies and his two biggest failures (Story wise) ID4 and Godzilla.
The movie starts with a narrator, yes a narrator because unfortunately most of today's viewing audience has enough trouble choosing Jif, switching to Geiko or remembering to bath on must see TV night. Upon hearing the narration I was immediately taken back to one of my worst traumatic childhood memories, watching the 1984 made for TV "Ewok Adventure" narrated by Burl Ives. God, the years of therapy it took to get over that. Watching "10,000 BC" was about as exciting as standing in line for tickets to the "Rosie O'Donnell Show." The action sequences were few and far between, not to mention less compelling than Mark Furhman hosting the NAACP Image Awards. Save your money and if you have to see it, wait for the dvd release. Meanwhile, if you want to go out to the movies, pick something more intellectually and emotionally stimulating like "Horton Hears a Who."

Helen liked this movie from start to finish. (I can only guess because ,being a plant, he has no eyes or ears) He found the narration helpful and absolutely loved the action scenes with the Saber-toothed tiger and the Mammoths. He thoroughly enjoyed the counter play between the would be hero and the villain who stole his wife. All in all he loved this movie and for that matter all of Roland Emmerich's films. (of course I would like to remind our readers, he does have the IQ of a plant)

Shamu Saves Police Woman's Life!

A female cop was being overpowered by her arrestee and was nearly killed by him, when a citizen stepped in to help. Fortunately the officer was near a large open body of water, allowing one time Sea World Star, Shamu to leap out and on to the perpetrator effectively pacifying him. Warning the actual dash cam video follows below, some images are extremely disturbing and may be unsuitable for anyone in our viewing audience.









The "alleged assailant," Terquan Jefferson, could not be reached for immediate comment but a family spokesman, Al Sharpton, told this blog that the Jefferson family was planning legal action against the San Diego Police department and Shamu for violating Terquan's eighth amendment rights, using excessive force and racial profiling.

Further more the flamboyant preacher plans a protest march later tomorrow in front of Shamu's Brentwood Estate. He detailed plans for busing in people from several other affluent California communities including Beverly Hills, Palm Springs and Malibu which are predominately populated by wealthy black Rappers, Hip Hop Artists and Upper Level County Municipal Workers. "We won't quit until persons of African heritage everywhere can walk freely past a convenience store on a hot summer day with a hoodie and ski mask on while carrying a tech-9 without getting harassed by racist members of the SFPD or random aquatic sea life." Al Sharpton was quoted as saying as he addressed the angry mob of unemployed bystanders outside of city hall earlier this afternoon.



Shamu did not immediately return any phone calls and no spokesman has come forward on her behalf. Though she retired some thirteen years ago, it is estimated that her net worth still exceeds $20,000,000.00 USD (approx. 10,000 Euros) thanks in large to a savvy investment in Bubba Gump Shrimp she made in the early 90's.


The officers name is being withheld pending an investigation. She will be on temporary paid administrative leave, a routine procedure when an officer involved smothering is in question. San Diego County Sheriff Jefferson Davis "Boss" Hogg wanted to remind everyone that though Shamu's actions ultimately were courageous and probably resulted in the saving of the young Officers life," don't take the law into your own hands: you take 'em to court, the Peoples Court."

Family Guy's Stewie Re-Acts to 2 Girls 1 Cup

I have been a long time fan of Seth MacFarlane's Family Guy since it first aired so many years ago. Not only has he managed to keep the show fresh and topical but his irreverent since of humor always hits the mark. He routinely uses more alliteration , double entendres and sub-references than Dennis Miller on the tail end of a 14 day meth bender giving a safe sex lecture at a N.A.M.B.L.A. convention. One other thing MacFarlane regularly does, is make reference to viral videos on the internet. Last Sunday ,on Fox, he again did just that when he had Brian showing Stewie the 2 girls 1 cup video on a laptop. (big thanks to Rob for suppling the YouTube link here: Stewie 2 Girls 1 Cup. Watch while you can before it gets pulled by the copyright Nazi's) If you haven't heard of the original video or haven't seen it, don't. If you don't know what N.A.M.B.L.A. is, you don't want to know. I just find it humorous that someone out there can make light of some of the more disgusting things in Society that over the years I have had the misfortune to stumble across. Long live Family Guy.

Update

Since I launched my blog a little over a week ago, I have been constantly changing and upgrading the available features. I have added a poll which I will update weekly and I am working on adding local show times for anyone in the U.S. I also added a new email address for anyone who wishes to contact us apart from the one provided in our profile. Lastly, we will be reviewing some first run titles, a departure from the Dvd releases we normally critique. Look for reviews on "Jumper" and "Super Hero Movie" coming soon.

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising and the Ratings are Falling.

Just think Christopher Eccleston gave up a lucrative contract to be the new Doctor Who after only one season because he didn't want to be trapped in that role unable to further his acting career with such dynamic works as this. The Seeker starts slow and gets progressively worse from there. I had to sit through it, but I can't possibly imagine any other mortal human enduring such torture of their own free will unless money or a woman were involved. I highly doubt the acting talent themselves attended the premier sober. Eccleston along with Iam Mcshane, Frances Conroy and young Alexander Ludwig were all miscast in this disgrace of a fantasy sci-fi film. Then again I wouldn't wish this disastrous monstrosity on any actors resume let alone the unsuspecting viewing public. This is another over done tail of light verses dark with the reluctant hero being a barely post pubescent 14 year old who is torn between new found sexual feelings, rebellion against his family, social acceptance, oh and saving the universe. Just to make things a little more uninteresting the director sloppily careens the story through the medium of time travel, my favorite sub-genre and the most botched element in movies today. The plot is neither interesting nor original and like so many movies of late, I was terribly relieved at the films conclusion. David Cunningham should stick to directing tv series and direct to video exercise dvds.

Helen shares most of my sentiments, but he gave much more leeway to the movie because he has been such a huge fan of Eccleston ever since he starred in the new Doctor Who pilot. Unlike me though, Helen felt Cunningham should be emasculated and locked up in Guantanamo for his crimes against humanity. (Helen was a big fan of Susan Cooper's "the Dark is Rising" book series from which this movie was so poorly adapted) He enjoyed the acting of Ian Mcshane and Ludwig, but regretfully thought Eccleston was merely reprising his personification of "the Doctor" something the actor definitely didn't want to do. Helen suggests watching the Lifetime Network or God forbid, the Hallmark or Oxygen channel, before renting this total piece of crap.

AVPR - Alien Vs. Predator Requiem

The sequel to Alien Vs. Predator, AVPR, was surprisingly good for what it was. The first movie was poorly written even for a mindless action Sci-Fi flick and it lacked any real interaction between the two warring species apart from the occasional fight scene. AVPR not only had tons of action, but stuck more to the original premise of the comic series, Aliens are a dangerous form of intelligent big game and the Predators are intergalactic Hunters that have a long time standing rivalry with them. This film was ably directed by the brother pair of Colin and Greg Strauss, this being their first major film outside of direct to video. One of the few objections I had to this flick other than the churned out plot, was that most of the scenes were excessively dark. The lighting actually took away from some of the more intense action scenes because it was literally impossible to see what was happening. This film is not for the little ones because of it's graphic nature, but refreshingly enough there was no nudity or excessive language. The special effects were first rate which also added to the movies over all good execution. The characters, the human ones anyway, were pretty much one dimensional and easily tossed aside or rather ripped limb from limb as fodder for both the many Aliens and the Predator hunting them. One pretty cool aspect other than the over whelming number of Aliens running loose maiming towns folk, was some of the new aliens, a throw back from the third movie. Apparently in Alien 3 the writers felt that all Aliens would take on certain attributes of there original host from which they were spawned. In this movie, the second in the AVP series or sixth overall in the Alien saga, we are introduced to a new Alien/Predator mutation with the partial mandibles of the predator race and a mixed body of the two species, that not only can lay eggs through it's esophagus but kick ass while doing it. I recommend this movie as a decent Sci-Fi action film with enough scare factor in it to get your girlfriend, wife or significant other to grab on tight to you during the more "jumpy" scenes. This was one of the more pleasant rentals I have come across in the last several months of a "cinematic dry spell."

Gene Roddenberry was a Notorious Peacemonger

I am somewhat of a Trekkie having grown up watching the original series in syndication and watching each of the Paramount movies as they were released. I love the pseudoscience, the characters and the story lines of most of the series and I even watched some of the spin offs from time to time. However I never attended a convention or have ever gotten dressed up in full federation regalia to masturbate to Jeri Ryan, Nana Visitor or worse Marina Sirtis. One thing I and all of the more hard core fans can agree on though, is Star Trek needs more battles! Roddenberry always championed the human effort as a whole and promoted peace through diplomacy rather than war or conquest. All I am asking, now that he has been dead for over a decade (1991) that Paramount, it's writers and directors, finally give the fans what they want.
Forget about interpersonal relationship crisis's , politically correct anecdotes of social equality and space exploration in to unknown parts, only to find another new gay species whose ass we will have to kiss. I want to see all out space and ground battles complete with gore, violence and full frontal female nudity, where appropriate. Think "Saving Private Ryan" mixed with the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" with a touch of "Aliens" and "Barbarella." Most fans forget what the "Neutral Zone" is all about. It is not unlike contemporary DMZ's the world over. You don't get the "Neutral Zone" outside of all out war and the subsequent peace treaty. Let's see that war from the Klingon warrior race against the federation and its allies. How about an hour and a half film with two 15-20 minute all out space battles, a couple of all out hand to hand ground incursions and maybe some kind of weak plot thrown in for good measure. I want to see explosions, entrails, with tits and fists flying everywhere like God intended movies for Men to be!